Simply Courtney

I am a human being, not a human doing. I’ve heard this many times lately, and it’s slowly sticking.

Exhaustion is a reminder that always going and seeking perfection isn’t what we have been called to. Trusting God is the ultimate way to receive peace. Loosening my grip on things that I can’t control is necessary.

When I’m living in fear and overdoing things, I reach for unhealthy coping mechanisms that only make me feel worse. Everything feels too hard. The things that I know help me feel too hard. That’s when I realize that I need to let go even more.

This is what I’m leaning into in this season… rest, nourishment, movement in ways that make me feel good, shorter to-do lists, imperfection, trusting God with the things that I don’t know how to manage, slowing down, savoring, investing in relationships, loving well, the little things like lighting candles all day and listening to soft music, laughing, time spent together, and focusing on beautiful things.

I’ve had some rough days again lately, but I’m okay. I feel like this is such an opportunity to lean-in to Jesus (again and again) and to focus on what’s important. The little things are big things. Living a life of gratitude brings joy and peace and hope. Remembering that there is only so much that I can control is actually pretty freeing.

A few days ago, I hit a wall. I wrote a post on Facebook about it, but I won’t rehash it. Basically just living with mental illnesses with a whole family who also struggles with mental illnesses can feel overwhelming some days. Trying to manage everything and everyone is hard some days. But it’s also a moment in which I have to realize that I cannot manage everything and everyone. It’s a moment in which I realize what’s mine to manage and what’s not… and what is truly necessary.

Taking a step back, loving my family well, giving them structure and space, keeping my house decently clean without obsessing about it, relaxing a bit with homeschooling this week and next since my kiddo will be out of town for 5 days with his friend, and just enjoying the little things has really helped me the past few days.

Yesterday, I found out that my cholesterol has increased a lot. I had gotten it down to borderline high, but it’s back up to just high again. So, I will go ahead and track my food to make sure that I’m not having too much saturated fat but plenty of fiber and protein. I was honestly pretty bummed at first when I found out, but then I remembered that I know how to eat well, and structure will be good. It’s not about weight loss or how I look but about being healthy. Having a “why” that is beyond how I look is helpful to keep going. Plus, I just feel so much better when I’m eating better and moving more. I think this was actually a positive things despite how I felt at first.

I’m working on re-evaluating my priorities, spending time with Jesus first (which I haven’t been doing as much lately), slowing down, and loving well.