Today I’m celebrating 9 years (3287 days) of sobriety. I am in the same place that I was 9 years ago when I decided to take myself to rehab (my parents’ house). Robert was out of town, and the kids and I were visiting my parents. I got drunk the night before (the 11th) as I usually did and woke up tired of feeling shame. I knew that I had to finally do something about it. I took myself to rehab the next day. It was honestly the best thing I could have ever done for myself. The next several years were filled with severe anxiety because I could no longer numb it. It took a very long time to dig deep, learn how to cope, and finally do some deep healing.
The past several weeks have been super hard, but I’m grateful for my sobriety and healing because I didn’t turn to alcohol to cope with it (which would have caused way more issues). I have been attending some online AA meetings lately because I have been struggling a little more with everything, but I will never turn to alcohol again knowing what I know about the disease. I will continue taking one day at a time. I will continue turning to God because He’s the one who has gotten me this far (Him and my hard work of course).
I’ve learned that sometimes life is just hard. Sometimes we don’t have closure or some amazing conclusion. And that’s just how it is. I am grateful for all of the good in my life as well! I’m grateful that every day I can trust that God will work things out even when I can’t see or understand why. I’m grateful every day for this beautiful life.
Here are some pics of my amazing little life!
Fun Times with the Fam
Fresh Sourdough
Leaf-Peeping and Our First Fire of the Season
Some Yummy Food
Random Selfies
The first pic is when I went for a hike, the second pic was the day we went leaf-peeping and wore my Stars Hollow shirt, and the third pic is just one that I just like.
Currently and Coming Up…
We are currently at my parents’ house but will be leaving first thing in the morning to go back home. Ethan will be staying here for a while, and he will be working towards his GED. I’m not thrilled with that decision, but I am supporting him to make his own decisions as he will be 18 soon. I do think it’ll be okay. He plans to go to trade school next fall. He has been researching welding careers and schools. We will see what he ends up doing! I’m just praying that he will learn to make better decisions and that he will do something with his life. I’m nervous but just trusting God with his life. He does NOT want to homeschool, and I’m honestly tired of fighting it. We are all worn. I’m hoping things improve over time. We have had a lot of chaos in our home.
I really want to get back to eating healthy and get back to consistent movement. I have been struggling so much with some sort of mental block with exercise and nutrition this whole year. I will get into a slight routine with movement or nutrition then something comes up that throws me off. Then I think that I want to just eat intuitively. I’m just tired of not following through with what I say I’m going to do. I think part of it is a struggle with my “why.” I also think I burned myself out last year and struggle to get back to that place. I also struggle with wanting to eat the “fun things” with the change in seasons because of the emotional attachment. I do a lot of baking and cooking fun foods. Same with pumpkin spice creamer and things. One of my kids really needs to change their diet for health reasons, so I feel like I should make a bigger effort for the family as a whole. It’s just hard.
A friend of mine (who runs lots of long races) suggested signing up for a local race so that I’ll have motivation to schedule runs, so that’s what I did. I will be running a race near Denver on November 22nd. I now have a plan to at least run three days per week, and I also want to lift weights at least two days per week. I’m now only working about three shifts per week, so I feel like this is going to be so much more manageable. I tend to naturally eat better when I’m exercising regularly, so I’ve decided to just focus on the movement and hope the rest will fall into place. I am working on shifting my “identity” (to view myself as an athlete again) because that’s really what helps with behavior change. James Clear talks about that a lot in his book Atomic Habits.
I feel my best when I’m consistent with movement… in every way. It helps with my mental and emotional health, energy, and even my confidence and self-efficacy. I don’t know why this is a constant battle for me. I’m hoping to gain some routine and consistency soon.
simplycourtney.org 