Our thoughts are affected by: 1) What we consume, 2) What we tell ourselves, and 3) What we are trying to control that is not ours to control.
I have been realizing lately HOW MUCH what I consume matters. If I am constantly taking in negative things, I will think negatively. If I am constantly taking in what’s going on in our country, what other people are saying on social media, “true crime” Podcasts and documentaries, negative articles, negative memes or social media posts, reading and re-reading things that bring a lot of anxiety, listening to music that makes me sad and has me focusing on my poor mental health, and rehashing things that I cannot control, I will feel the heavy weight of these things all day, every day.
Focusing on what Paul says to focus on (Philippians 4:8): “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
We can only do this if we control what we consume.
In my depression, I tend to focus on my depression and the things that make me depressed. I don’t know why I do this, but it’s just what happens because I’m not being intentional.
As I’m coming out of the fog (again), I’m realizing that I have been allowing myself to wallow in self-pity, and I’ve been consuming things that only made my depression and anxiety worse.
I decided a few days ago that I have a choice. I can choose to consume things that cause a heavier weight, or I can focus on light and beauty.
The story that we tell ourselves also matters so much.
I am constantly saying things like: “I hate my brain.” “I can’t _______________________ because of my brain.” “I will never heal from my mental illness.” “I will never heal from my trauma.” “Other people’s actions and opinions about me control my life.” “If _______________________ is mad at me or doesn’t like me, it must be my fault.” “If _______________________ is mad at me or doesn’t like me, I must think about it all the time or I have no control.” “My mental illnesses are WHO I am.” “My brain is stupid.” “I can’t stop… drinking so much soda and eating emotionally.” “I won’t be able to get back to the healthy habits that I used to have.” “I’m not capable of true consistency or long-term healthy habits.” “I shouldn’t _______________.” “_____________________ is my fault.”
I could keep going. I have been paying more attention to my self talk lately, and I’m realizing that it is truly affecting my every moment. Of course I haven’t been able to truly heal. I’m consuming things that affect my mental health in a negative way, and I’m telling myself things that only cause weight and heaviness.
Something else that affects our thoughts are things that we are trying to control that aren’t ours to control: Others’ thoughts and actions, what other people think or say about us, how others handle our boundaries, how others feel, and our past.
A lot of the weight that I’ve been carrying involves all of this. What I’m consuming, what I’m constantly telling myself, and the desire to control people and situations that I just can’t.
All of these things limit us as well. If I tell myself that I can’t do something, chances are, I won’t do that thing. If I tell myself that what __________________ thinks about me matters, chances are, I’m going to live out my every day trying to change their opinions about me or trying to control the narrative. If I tell myself that my mental health will never heal, chances are, I will cling to that and never truly heal.
Through Christ, I am capable of SO much. I have been through a lot which gives me the evidence that I am capable of hard things. I am capable of doing what I know will help me heal and grow. It takes a lot of intentionality and work, but it CAN happen.
It’s time to stop consuming things that make me feel bad. It’s time to stop allowing how others view me (or I assume they view me) to change how I see myself and my actions from day to day. It’s time to start intentionally speaking truth into myself and into the world. It’s time to start living out who I truly am, even if people don’t like it. It’s time to lean into the person that Christ has made me to be and to live that truth loudly and proudly. Through my experiences, I have a lot of depth and a lot to offer the world. I desire for God to use that for His glory and for my healing. It’s time to stop allowing others’ inability to respect my boundaries to rule my life. It’s time to allow my past traumas to affect my every waking minute. It’s time to do things that I never thought I could do. It’s time to live the life that I am made for.
How will I do this?
I will continue daily Bible reading/journaling, reading positive non-fiction books every day, getting back to my daily movement, getting back to nutrition that makes me feel my best (I AM capable of this!), daily positive affirmations, weekly therapy (starting EMDR soon), continuing my medications that help me a lot (and doing the genetic testing to find out which meds are best), being outside, being adventurous and doing hard things, stepping out of my comfort zone regularly, intentionally letting go of things that I have no control of (this is a daily practice), listening to Podcasts that are encouraging and uplifting instead of things that tear me down, listening to more Christ-centered music, pouring into others, being intentional with my reactions and attitudes, continuing to focus on having a clean and organized home (it matters so much for my mental health), and just taking one minute and day at a time, doing what I know makes me feel my best.
Will I always have amazing days and moments? No. But I have a choice each and every day. I get to choose to remember that what I think matters, and the things that I focus on affect what I think.
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