Life Will Always Be Life: Beautiful and Difficult

A few nights ago, I had the opportunity to remember what I just wrote about.

There always seems to be something that “pops up” as soon as I feel like things are settling. Every time. So, I figured something would be coming.

Homeschooling & Teenagers

I can’t write about it, but I guess I’m eating my words…

Ethan will not be going back to school next year after all. He will continue homeschooling. We just have a lot of work to do with him and his mental/emotional health/behavior.

He actually agrees that this is best despite this not being what he wants.

Thankfully, despite the stress of what has been going on, I feel okay. I feel at peace with our decision, and I can tell that Ethan does as well.

It gives us more flexibility as a family, and we can “chill out” a bit as I have been pushing him to “prepare” for going back to school (since he will be a junior, and he’s not there).

I’m not completely surprised, but having teenagers has been SO HARD. I never expected how hard it would be. I’ve heard… but I didn’t quite realize. I miss the simple days when my kids were small. And I thought it was SO HARD then. I guess I was just being prepared.

Please pray for us as this is a continual struggle for him and has been for years. It’s exhausting for all of us.

Nutrition, Movement, and Mental Health

I’ve realized that “Intuitive Eating” as it is doesn’t work completely for me. As someone who has ADHD and tends to be all-or-nothing, I have gone from one extreme to the other. I need some structure without it being too much.

I’ve also done a ton of research on nutrition and mental health, and I’m continually reminded that what I eat does matter. So does movement.

I’m still not sure if I have bipolar 2. The meds seemed to work amazingly well at first, but I don’t feel like they are doing much now. I tried to increase the meds, but I had terrible side effects. So, I reduced them back, and I’m still having side effects. After I take them in the evenings, I have Akathisia which is a terrible feeling. It’s not as bad at the lower dose, but it’s still happening. And it didn’t happen before I increased it which is frustrating!

My goal at the moment is to get back to eating and moving for mental health. This will look different than before, though!

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to focus on numbers again, but my goal is to focus on quality. Whole foods, movement that I enjoy, cutting out soda (and artificial sweeteners again), and cutting down on caffeine and sugar.

I was talking with friends yesterday about the summer that I went to ALL whole foods, more water, no artificial sweeteners, a MUCH lower amount of ultra-processed foods, movement that I enjoyed (lots of hiking), etc, and my mental health was in a really good place. Summer is usually really hard for me, so I know it made a difference. After that summer, the boys went back to school which ended up being a disaster (as usual) + we were looking to move, and I went back to eating junk food emotionally which started a spiral again.

After remembering that, I’ve decided to make that happen. Not just for me, but for my kids as well! Both of my sons struggle a lot with their mental health, so I know it could help all of us.

I already make a lot of homemade food, but we still have a lot of processed foods as well (and soda). I also make a lot of desserts, so I’m trying to cut down on that as well!

In addition to all of this, I had a talk with my doctor last week (which I discussed in a recent post). I need to get back to focusing more on health. Intuitive eating works well for me as far as not focusing on numbers, eating when I’m hungry, etc, but it doesn’t work as far as just eating whatever I feel like eating. I need some structure. And my brain needs certain foods and needs to avoid others. Focusing on whole foods and joyful movement is the way to go for me!

I did go on two hikes this week so far which was awesome. They were both Levi’s idea! It was beautiful for several days, but it is snowing again today! Next week we have beautiful days ahead! Outside movement is the best movement for me!

Balance Might Always Be Hard

Maybe it’s time to just embrace who I am. Balance is hard for me. I tend to be “all in” on certain things (or “all out”). So I want to focus on being “all in” on the “right” things. With-in reason of course!

I am who I am… I have ADHD for sure. I have anxiety and depression (whether that’s from Bipolar 2 or seasonal depression is TBD). It just is what it is, but it doesn’t have to define WHO I am.