Seasons Change…

Seasons are changing… and life has come full circle for our family.

These past few weeks/months have been a roller coaster. I guess that’s life.

We put the boys in school in August. I dropped Karis off 7.5 hours away at her university the next day. I was working quite a bit but was struggling… so that was kind of hit or miss. I was sick for a few weeks. I applied and interviewed for a job that I decided at the interview that I wouldn’t continue pursuing. We were thinking about moving houses at camp because we had the opportunity to, but we decided not to. We decided to fully embrace our current house and make it work better for us.

Ethan has been doing well in school. He is a bit behind in a few classes, but he has so much support, so I know he will get caught up. He enjoys going to school. His behavior has been much better. His mental and emotional health have been so much better.

Levi has been the opposite. I won’t go into the details because he’s very private, but he wants to homeschool. School just isn’t for him… especially a large school. We tried this new thing, and it wasn’t a good fit for him. I could push and make him keep trying, but I just feel in my gut that that wouldn’t be right for him. Mama knows best!

So… after all of the change and possibility for change, we are kind of right where we started. Well almost. Ethan will stay in school.

I’ve decided moving forward that I will only work 1-2 days per week… even in the summer and Outdoor Ed season. My health and my family are my priorities!

One of the reasons I was trying to put the boys in school is because I was overwhelmed. Not only with working this summer… but with getting Karis ready and set up in college and the prospect of basically working full time hours at camp till October (which didn’t end up happening). I also didn’t feel like I could meet Ethan’s needs. I thought being in school would help Levi make friends, but that’s just not going to happen (for a variety of reasons). Ethan had already been talking about going back to school, so it’s really a great fit for him.

I kind of feel like we are just getting back to “normal” now. I’m grateful and at peace even if it seems odd that we are doing this again. One of my new mantras these days is “never say never.” I’ve learned that it’s okay to change my mind. It’s okay to let the kids do what’s best for them. It’s okay to just go with the flow.

I’m working hard to embrace this season. I’m leaning into the beauty of the season and allowing myself to feel however I need to as I approach the winter. I’m trying to find joy in the little things that come with this season.

I’m fully expecting more ups and downs. I’m fully expecting imperfection with things. I’m fully expecting to have to help my kids advocate for themselves and fight for what they need. But I’m here for it. All of my kids have mental health struggles, and after my experience with my brother and my own mental health struggles, I’m super sensitive to their needs.

I’m also trying to simplify. I have a simple workout schedule: two days of endurance workouts, two days of strength, and one day of rucking. I am trying to just keep focusing on nourishing myself. I plan on taking daily walks with Levi and the pup because I won’t be getting as many steps from working. I’m trying to slow down in general. Enjoy each moment. Focus on today.

I am continuing my healing work. I’ve been going through a Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook. I go to therapy every week. I might be doing some genetic testing to determine which medications would be best for me.

Every day is new. Every day is worth investing into. I literally have no idea what tomorrow holds. Life has proven that to me over and over again.

I try to not think about the mistakes that I’ve made, the decisions that we have changed, etc, because I believe that God teaches us through each and every situation. There is never a perfect scenario… but there is a scenario that is “right” for each and every one of us.

I’m always nervous to share when I’ve changed my mind or when I allow the kids to choose what they feel is best for them because people like to give their opinions and judgments. I’m learning to not care so much anymore. My kids’ mental health will always be priority. Always.