To Know Him and Make Him Known

I hope to start writing more soon, especially after Outdoor Ed season. We still have some busyness coming up between the boys starting school, taking Karis to college, and busier days as I’m working Outdoor Ed/Rec a lot more than usual.

Anyway.

This past week has been super productive and formative in how things will go moving forward.

I ended the week before with a LOT of anxiety. There was so much up in the air. Levi had officially been enrolled into the school, but Ethan hadn’t because we were waiting on the special education department to look at his IEP and get that all squared away.

Sunday at church, I felt God reminding me about His purposes for us on earth, and I felt so much peace. I wrote this on some graphics and shared them on social media, but I’ll clean it up a bit to share here (not many people read it…). I feel like it was formative in how I view life as a whole!

“God has been working on some things with me lately. I wrote a “poem” the other day (it’s not super creative, but I’m learning to process things a little differently). It’s based on this verse: ‘Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’ (NASB)

What would happen
If I truly “cease striving”
As Psalm 46:10 says?

What does that
Even look like?
Do I truly KNOW that He is God?

Is my goal for Him to be
Exalted on the earth?
Maybe that’s where this is all going wrong.

Maybe it’s never enough
Because my priorities are
All wrong.

Maybe the problem
Is that I am wanting control.
And I am wanting the glory.

What would it look like
If I made God the focus
And not myself and what I do and don’t do?

What is my motive?
Do I want praise?
Do I want the glory for the work instead of God?

Our purpose on earth is to
Know Him and make Him known.
I desire to live that out and let go of the rest.

I notice often that the more I’m focused on myself and the things that I can’t control, the more anxiety I have, and the more I feel like I have to try even harder to control. I also struggle with perfectionism more in these moments. Perfectionism is a desire to control.

At the end of the day, our reason for being on the earth is to know Him and make Him known. He will provide what is necessary for that to happen. He has proven time and time again that He makes His will happen even when we can’t see how He would do it and even if it wasn’t our plan. And His will is SO much better than my own plan. We can’t see the big picture.

This verse reminds us to cease striving (be still) because He is God and He will be exalted. I can rest in knowing that. We are doing a series on Saul in church and today was about how God was with Jonathan and the armor-bearer as they took on the Philistines (1 Samuel 13:15-14:23). Jonathan went for it knowing that God would be in their midst and would provide for their needs. And He did. I’d love to be like Jonathan. Just trusting God and going right into what God has called me to even if it doesn’t make sense to human brains.”

The rest of the day, I had peace because God was reminding me that He will make His will happen. He will be exalted and glorified. Period.

On Monday, I decided to email his counselor to see if she could figure out what was going on with everything.

Tuesday morning, she told me that I would be getting a call from the special education chair about scheduling a meeting because his IEP was expired. Tuesday afternoon I emailed her back saying I didn’t receive a call, and I was concerned because I was going to be working all day on Wednesday, and we had a meeting with her on Thursday at 8:30am to get his classes lined up. She emailed me back with contact info of an assistant principal and the special education chair to try to get the ball rolling.

I got a call about an hour later from that AP saying that at the meeting the next day with the counselor, he would be there, along with special education teachers/admin, a general education teacher, etc. He said they wanted to talk with Ethan and get to know his strengths and determine what he needs to be successful. He apologized for it taking a while and he told me he totally understood my concerns about it taking a bit. I told him that I knew they were busy, but I was just worried about everything getting done in time.

The next day, we met, and it was the best meeting I have ever had about/for/with Ethan about his education, mental health, and self-esteem/confidence.

We have an amazing schedule for him, a solid plan moving forward, and they were SUPER intentional with how they set everything up, talking to Ethan about everything. I really believe that this is all God-ordained. All of it. I know it will be bumpy. I know it won’t be perfect. But the intentionality and care that went into this speaks volumes. It’s really hard to put into words… It’s just not anything I have ever experienced in a school district.

All of this reminded me that:

1) Being here, where we are, was totally from God from the first step. Our “rejection” from the other camp that we tried to go to. The fact that school just wouldn’t work for the boys where we used to live (which opened things up more for us to move). The desire to move away from a camp where we had been for so long. The provisions that He has given us one by one. They have all been from Him, for His glory, and for our good.

2) While anxiety is something that I deal with regularly and some of it can’t be helped (my brain chemistry is kind of a mess), there are times when I ask for His wisdom, and He gives me His wisdom and peace. It doesn’t always work out that way, but truly, His Word and His presence and His wisdom means so much to me and my life.

3) He has been reminding me consistently how He has provided and been faithful over the years… especially this year. While it hasn’t been perfect (my mental health is up and down as I have shared), things are night and day better from what they used to be. And I know that will continue.

It’s all for His glory and our good. Even the hard things that don’t make sense. I’m not saying that He makes bad things happen, but He can use them for our growth and to help others along the way.