I have been on a mental health healing journey for YEARS. It has been VERY up and down (as I’ve shared a million times). I haven’t had mild mental illness. I have been inpatient and outpatient in mental health hospitals, developed alcoholism, have been in rehab, haven’t been able to keep a long-term full-time job, and have suffered more than anyone will even know.
I will say, though, that I’ve learned a lot through this journey. I hope what I have learned will help others, but also… it helps me to process through all of these things.
I’m not “better,” and I don’t think I ever will be. My brain has cycles, it has patterns, and it has been through a lot. But, I have grown a lot and have learned things that definitely help and improve my brain and life in very positive ways.
First, I’m going to tell you what I learned doesn’t help my mental health to improve despite all of the claims from people out there… In fact, chasing after some of these things actually made my mental health SO much worse.
- “Natural living.” Using “natural” personal care products, cleaners, detergents, herbal tinctures, “natural” medicine, making everything homemade, avoiding things that everyone says are “neurotoxins” (diet soda for example… and it’s NOT a neurotoxin by the way…), drinking raw milk, eating mostly organic/grass-fed/pastured/blah blah blah, and on and on… ONLY made my mental health worse. Last summer, I worked with a “nutritionist” who had me do all of this. I felt like it helped a bit at first, but I know now it was only a placebo effect. It did not help in the long-run at all. In fact, it made things so much worse.
- Any specific diet or foods. I have learned over the past several months that food doesn’t heal the brain. I’m not saying that certain foods don’t help some… they can be part of the big picture of healing… but it doesn’t cause complete healing in the brain on its own. ESPECIALLY for someone who has severe mental illness. There is so much misinformation out there. It’s actually very detrimental. I will get into this more.
- Supplements. There is so much money thrown down the drain because of social media influencers, MLMs, etc telling people that these supplements will change their lives and completely change their brain. Supplements aren’t regulated. Most people who push them make a lot of money from it. People talk about “Big Pharma” all the time… supplement companies, MLMs, “natural doctors,” “functional medicine doctors,” etc make SO much money off of selling supplements. And they prey on desperate people just trying to have some relief.
- This may seem backwards, but I’m going to tell you that just praying and reading my Bible didn’t heal my brain. I’m not saying that my time with Jesus isn’t helpful, doesn’t bring peace, etc. But. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and read my Bible constantly, worshiped, had people praying for me, etc for YEARS… and I lived in hell despite all of that. It was one of the things that made me angry with God for so long. I DO believe that God used the things and led me to the things (that I will be talking about) to bring about healing and improvements in my brain. Sometimes this is just how things work. I just remember being told so many times that I much not be praying enough or have enough faith that God will heal me. It doesn’t always work that way.
- Feeling as though I need to change something big to fix the “problem.” The issue with trying new diets, supplements, natural living, etc, is that it put that expectation and pressure on ME to fix myself. If I don’t eat ________ or I do eat _________, I will make myself worse. If I pray and nothing helps, it’s my fault (and I lose hope). If I don’t use essential oils or supplements or herbal tinctures correctly or enough or whatever, that’s the problem. It only made things worse. I’m definitely not saying that my behaviors and habit change haven’t contributed, but it took me stepping back to focus on the big things that really matter.
- Trying to be someone I’m not. Along the lines of some of the above stuff, trying to be a homesteader, homeschooler, hippie, etc just made me feel worse because I wasn’t being true to the person that God created me to be. I was trying to find my identity in someone that I wasn’t. Now, I’m just focusing on being who God created me to be. Nothing I DO is WHO I am.
I’m still learning, but these are the things that I have seen the most lasting improvement with:
- Correct diagnoses and correct medications and dosages. This is a constant work-in-progress since my brain is very cyclical, but I am getting there! Having an amazing psychiatric nurse practitioner has been a game-changer. She listens to me, she is willing try to new things, and she seems to know my brain better than I know it myself. Mental illness is a MEDICAL condition. It needs MEDICAL TREATMENT. I will say it again. Mental illness is a medical condition that needs medical treatment.
- Ketamine treatments for my depression and PTSD have been a game-changer for me. I DO have to stay on top of booster treatments in my hardest seasons, but my hard seasons aren’t as hard now that I started these treatments. This actually heals and changes the neurons in the brain. I’m so grateful for this option!
- Acceptance. Realizing that it’s not my fault, I can’t fix it, it’s not a reflection of myself as a person, it’s not something that I did/do wrong, etc has been so helpful for me as I move forward with trying to take the best care of myself. Like I said above, I know that I will never be completely “better” because this is just the way my brain is. It’s relieving to stop trying to chase the next thing that could heal me. Through this acceptance, I’m realizing that maybe teaching isn’t in my future anymore. I might not be able to work full time again (at least until I am also not trying to be mom). I know that I have to have the time and energy to be able to take great care of myself. Long-term. Forever. Not just in this season.
- Consistent Movement. I said above that food doesn’t really have the ability to heal people’s brains who have severe mental illness, but movement has scientific proof/evidence to greatly benefit the brain. There is a huge difference in my anxiety and mood before and after a good workout, especially on the hard days.
- Routine. Getting up, having coffee, spending time with Jesus, keeping my house decently clean, working out consistently, having solid meals, spending time with friends/family and also alone, rest, and on and on are necessary for my brain. When I’m going going going and can’t do these things, my brain gets super unhappy.
- Moving to Colorado has been a major game-changer for my brain. The biggest reasons are that I’m no longer isolated, I have MANY people in my life who truly love and care for me, Robert is home so much more, I (we) have so many options and resources, our needs are better taken care of, and we are in a place where we are wanted and valued as a family.
- Learning to TRULY live more simply, being true to who I am, learning what I want, learning who I am not, learning that it’s okay to focus on what I need, and just being content with the person that I am in Christ have been the most helpful things.
- Regular therapy! Every time I start to think I’ll be okay without therapy, I realize quickly that I still have so many things to work through. I truly look forward to it and really adore my therapist.
I’m sure I will continue adding to these lists as I remember things or learn new information, but I just wanted to share this just in case you’re struggling and feeling like you need to overhaul everything to feel better.
It’s not your fault. It’s not just up to you to “figure out,” “fix,” or “solve” your mental illness. It’s possible to find a team of people that will help you get well.
I do believe that all of this was God’s way of helping me heal. I believe he led me to all of these conclusions, resources, and opportunities so that I could be the person that He has created me to be.
simplycourtney.org 