We are currently in the car, driving from one place in Texas to the next place that we are visiting. We will be in the car a lot while we are here, but I’m enjoying my time! For the past many days, I have had a long anxiety about this trip. No reason, really, except for the anticipation. I also knew we would just be running from one place to the next which made me nervous. But it has been very nice so far!
I have been reading a book called Wild and Free by Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan. The foreward is by a woman named Jennie Allen (a somewhat well known Christian author).
This book has been a breath of fresh air for me in many ways!
Remember when my blog name was Wild + Free Mama (for a long time)? Well, I never felt like I lived that out… so I changed my blog name (in addition to feeling like it was a super common hashtag and name for quite a while).
I always wanted to be a Wild + Free Mama… but I truly didn’t even know what that would look like OR how to get “there.”
On page 21 of the book, they wrote an “The Anthem of Wild and Free.” I relate to it so much, and I am getting there. This is so much different, also, than what I thought “Wild + Free” meant. I truly feel like I’m getting to the place that I have wanted to be for years… but I will ALWAYS be a work-in-progress.
Here’s the anthem:
“The world may tell us that we’re too much and never enough.
But we can walk wildly into who God created us to be
and rest freely in the work Jesus did for us.
We do not have to be confined or conformed by cultural expectations.
We are unchained from our past and unafraid of our future.
We choose compassion over comparison.
We love without condition, without reserve.
Our eyes are on God; we hold nothing back;
we run fast and strong; we do not hide our light.
We aren’t wild and free for our sake alone;
rather we sing life, hope, and truth over the world
with abandon- just as God sings over us.
We are wild and Free.
And we are poised to do mighty things, in Christ alone.”
Despite so much growth over the past 6 months or so, I have been feeling lately like I’m “too much and not enough” all at the same time. It’s not anything that anyone has told me or made me feel, but I sometimes annoy myself if I’m being honest. I always feel the need to prove myself… especially now that I’m an almost 42 woman working with 16-21 year olds. Homeschooling has also brought a whole new level of feeling like I’m “not enough” for my teenagers. And just parenting teenagers in general has been a whole new world.
I have underlined a whole lot in the book so far (in just the first few chapters that I have read so far), but one quote really sticks out to me in the forward (written by Jennie Allen), and it’s basically taken from scripture. “Freedom began for me the moment I began to fear God more than people, and as that transformation has happened, God has been going wild all around me.”
I’ll share a few more quotes. They aren’t with-in context, per se, because it would be impossible without writing out the whole thing. I’ll do my best to explain why these quotes stood out to me!
Hayley Morgan has a whole section (pages 48-51) where she talks about “meekness,” and how that word has been misused over the years in the church. Women have been told to be quiet and not cause a stir. They (we) have been told to dress ultra-modest in order to not make their “brothers stumble.” They (we) have been told to not call attention to their appearance. They (we) have been told to be quiet, not take up space, and to not speak out of turn. This all comes from 1 Peter 3:4, “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
But meekness means none of this. The original Greek word is praus which means, “exercising God’s strength under His control- i.e. demonstrating power without undue harshness.” From the book- “Biblical meekness is never weakness. Rather, it is a harnessing of God-given strength. This Greek word is also used in Matthew 5:5, giving the meaning of meek a new spin: ‘Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.’”
“Here is one thing I believe to be true of most women: We are living defensively rather than living wildly and freely.”
On page 49, Hayley says, “There is a whole generation of women who are living this way- who have been living defensively, because we have massively misunderstood what it means to be meek.”
On page 51, she says, “Suddenly we wish we could simply erase ourselves on the spot, a long with whatever ‘too much’ thing we just did or said. Here’s the thing. Feeling too much, feeling not enough– these are two sides of the same coin. They both limit us as women created to live wild and free.”
On page 53, she said, “You can take up all the space you need and still leave room for others. You can be seen and heard and still be gracious.”
She then goes on to explain why she feels women live this way: the quest for control, the fear of failure, and the shame cycle.
At the end of this chapter (on page 61), Jess Connolly responds by saying, “I dare you, ladies. Let it come undone. Don’t apologize for your tears or qualify how you feel. God isn’t freaked out by our pain or what we’re really feeling; He just wants us to share it with Him rather than bury it and pretend like it’s not there. He is here to listen and here to love.”
Some scripture that I found to back this up:
Paul says in Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”
Caring what people think brings bondage (a snare is literally a trap), but living out the person that God created me to be brings freedom. It helps me to be wild and free.
As I grow and become the person that I was created to be, I am realizing that living “wild and free” is very different from what I ever thought.
I am learning that I don’t have to shrink. I can have different opinions than those around me. I can share about the things that I enjoy. I can be excited about things. I can laugh loudly. I can live a life without anxiety because I no longer have to fear what others think of me. I can be vulnerable on social media or not. I don’t need to be ashamed or embarrassed. I am always worried that I’m annoying people just for being who I am… but I don’t have to let that affect me at all. I can take breaks from social media whenever I feel like it or not. I can talk about the things that I am passionate about. I can love others wholeheartedly even when it may seem like I’m “condoning” their behavior… just because Jesus tells us to love everyone.
I can also do the things that I enjoy without feeling like I have to fit into a box or label… which I have shared before… but I’m just remembering this again.
My ADHD makes me impulsive sometimes with my words, and I tend to have a lot of words. Haha. I have been told that I laugh too loud. Gosh, why does laughing too loud matter?? At least I’m laughing! I have been told that I share too much online… many, many times. But I’ll be honest and say that for me, sharing is an outlet for me, AND God has used it so many times to help others and bring people to Himself. I feel sort of like it’s a calling.
I talk a lot about nutrition and movement because they have been life-changing for me. I change my mind about things a lot. I hyperfocus on things that may seem silly to hyperfocus on. When I start to “beat myself up” for things that I am or do, I feel anxiety. I’m not meant to live in that.
There’s a whole “movement” out there in the fitness world that seems against “natural” things, so I have thought that maybe I needed to be that way as well. But I also don’t “have” to live in that label. I can just do and be who I want. Sometimes science doesn’t “back up” what I enjoy and/or what works for me. I can ignore what I want to ignore and take what works for me. I also don’t have to live with-in the “natural” world either… because at the end of the day, there’s no “one size fits all” label for each person.
My identity is in Christ and doing what He has called me to do and to be who He calls me to be.
My calling isn’t what I do or don’t do. Jesus is my calling. Loving Him, serving Him, and sharing Him with others.
I can live Wild + Free by just living out the calling that He has for me- intimacy with Him and loving others. Ignoring people who bring bondage in any way.
Another part of living Wild + Free for me is doing things that I have maybe been afraid to do in the past, adventuring and being in nature as much as possible, not allowing my age or “stage of life” to keep me from doing things that God calls me to do (like working the challenge course at almost 42).
It’s totally freeing to be able to do whatever God allows me to do to serve Him! I’m so grateful that God has put so many amazing opportunities in my life! Being in my 40s and having teenagers has been so awesome. I’m in a whole new era! God has been using my story for His glory, and I know that will continue!
Living where we did for almost 9 years brought a lot of isolation, bondage, anxiety, and feeling like I had so many limits. I have said this before, but now I feel like I have no limits. I am wanting to do all-the-things, even though they may be hard. I keep pushing the limits, trying new and harder things, and coming back to something that may be too hard at the moment… but I don’t want give up. For example, working up high on the challenge course… I have tried twice now and had to come down, but I WILL keep trying. I am determined to eventually make it happen! I am running longer races, running in new places, meeting new people, and I plan to continue trying to rock climb. I also plan to hike the Manitou Springs Incline, hike some 14,000 foot mountains, and more! Nature, movement, doing hard things, and just being in God’s creation in all the ways have brought me closer to Him and have all reminded me what He has brought me out of!
A few things are up in the air right now… especially school for Ethan. Thankfully, I can just focus on today knowing that God has already worked all of that out in advance. I can trust Him with my kids’ future and know that He will fill in the gaps.
I plan to just live “Wild + Free” each day and focus on Him and sharing Him with others!
HE is our calling!
simplycourtney.org 