The past week or so, I have made some decisions that I have been praying about for a bit. I’ve been patient for the first time in forever to allow Him to reveal to me what He wants. Asking for wisdom and discernment has meant so much more to me these days. I have seen His faithfulness so many times over the past 6 months or so. I am seeing His plan unfold a little bit at a time, and I’m finally not feeling like I need to control things. Well, I have moments when I try… then I remember and realize quickly that it doesn’t work that way.
God has been showing up in so many amazing ways. The other day, I was saying that maybe something is “too good to be true,” and Karis corrected me. She said soooo many things that have been happening are “God things.” Things that may not make sense to us, but He just keeps showing up. He has worked out things in ways that I could have never asked or imagined. Seriously. That has been the story of my life and the lives of people around me lately. I’m so grateful and truly just trusting Him with it all. After so many years of struggle, sometimes it’s hard to realize that maybe things are just finally happening the way they are supposed to.
I tend to fall back on “what if something bad happens.” “What if it SEEMS perfect, but it’s NOT good.” Bad things have happened so much over the years; I don’t know if I could handle it if this turned out “bad.”
One of the things that I’ve learned over the past year or so is that Jesus is my calling… not what I do or don’t do. Not where we live. Not how well I homeschool. Not how well I parent. Not even my movement and nutrition habits. Not being “perfect” at anything (cause we know that’s not possible). There is nothing in life that will be perfect, but by following Jesus and listening to Him, I’m learning that He will work things out the way He wants, and He will be glorified through it. He truly loves us and wants us to have an abundant life. Sometimes that comes through trials, but I’m so amazed at how things have been worked out lately. So, I can trust Him.
We have made some decisions lately that have been pretty huge.
Here, we have options. I haven’t really had many options for the past almost 9 years, so this has been hard in some ways.
I was praying through whether or not to apply for the retail manager position here at camp. I had been meeting with the director a lot about it. He wanted me to really process and pray through it because I think he felt that while I would be good at it, he wanted it to be a good fit for ME and our family. I just really love that. I was feeling like I really needed to take the position because who else would do it? He told me that God always provides. It would be full time during the summer and during Outdoor Ed season (August through October), but part time the rest of the year. I wouldn’t be able to continue doing rec very much, though. I decided to pass it up so I can continue having the freedom to say no when I can’t work AND so that I can continue working rec. I LOVE working rec. I had no idea that this would be something I would fall in love with! I love how physical it is, I love working outside, and I love challenging guests to do hard things. It has been such a good fit.
I did Challenge Course training this week, and while it has been very stretching (it was all out of my comfort zone, really), it was awesome. I am learning my strengths and weaknesses in the Challenge Course world, and I’m slowly learning to stretch myself a little bit at a time. I have also been able to connect with some of the summer staff, and I’ve seen how God can use my strengths for His glory. I adore working with summer staff!
Another big decision…
It looks like Ethan may be going back to public school in the fall. It’s a long story, but we have been praying a ton, learning a lot about the schools here, and talking a whole lot with him about what he wants but also our concerns.
He has grown so much since last fall. He’s a different kid! I mean, he still has his struggles, but we all do. And I can’t protect him forever. He really wants to go to school, and a lot of his new friends go there (that he knows through working in the kitchen here and from church). The schools here are supposedly some of the best in the state. There aren’t really many behavior issues as a whole, they really work with their kids who have struggles, there are TONS of options (including an IT pathway for high school students), he could potentially play sports again, and it’s only about 5 minutes away. Robert and I have been talking and praying about it, there are a LOT of Christians, and at this point, we really feel like it could be SO good for Ethan. He has some work to do this summer to get ready for it, and he’s all for it. He just really wants another chance.
When we pulled him back out of school in September, we told him he would NOT be going back to school. But at that time, we didn’t know we would be moving. We didn’t know we would have options, that we would be 5 minutes from amazing schools, and that he would have grown as much as he has. So sometimes we make the best decisions that we can make at the time and adjust. I have learned over the years to never say never.
I have also learned that I don’t know that I’m equipped to be able to support him to be successful with his specific needs. Homeschool parents always tell me that I am… that I am a teacher, and I love teaching. But I am also willing to admit that there are some things that I don’t know how to handle, and I really want him to be successful. I have never taught high school, and I don’t believe I have the tools to be able to help him with his specific needs. Honestly, the only reason I even pulled him out of school to begin with is because the schools that we were at were pretty terrible for him. In so many ways. Coaches who were bullies and abusive, teachers who weren’t following his IEP, and the fact that he felt so out of place that he was choosing friends and situations where he was floundering and made poor decisions because of that. He struggled so badly to fit in.
Levi does NOT want to go to school. He prefers to homeschool as he is very much an introvert. We have told him that we will require that he gets involved in the student ministry and be around other teens in different ways. There’s a local game store that does weekly game nights that mostly have teenagers, and he was interested in that. He will also continue working in the kitchen here around other teenagers. I’m going to try to get him doing more at camp over time. He’s my kid that doesn’t like change, and moving here has been more of an adjustment for him. That’s okay! We all have to do things our own way. I feel completely capable of teaching him. I also think that maybe one-on-one will be good for him. We may eventually put him in school, but we want to honor his wishes for now.
Ethan will have to be accepted at the school down the road because he will have to “choice” into it despite it being close. We are right on the county line. Our “local” school is actually much further. It shouldn’t be an issue, though. Usually kids that live here go to the schools that are super close.
I’m so excited to see what God continues to do in our family. We are thriving like never before. He is so good!
I learned about a worship group called Red Rocks Worship, and I fell in love with this song. Super simple, but I love it.
[Verse 1]
The Lord is my shepherd
And He is everything I need
So, I will not worry
I will not fear the enemy
He said that He loves me
He said that He’s with me even though
I walk through the valley
Of shadow and death and still I know
[Chorus]
He has good plans
He has good plans for me
So, I will take heart
In deserts and gardens
He has good plans
He has good plans for me
If I know my Father
I know my Father has
Good plans
[Interlude]
No weapon formed against me will prosper
[Verse 2]
The Lord is my Savior
So why should I doubt my victory?
Why would I question
The rod and the staff that comforts me?
He quiets the waters
He quiets the storm inside of me
So, what could be better
Than walking with Him when I believe?
[Chorus]
He has good plans
He has good plans for me
So, I will take heart
In deserts and gardens
He has good plans
He has good plans for me
If I know my Father
I know my Father has
He has good plans
He has good plans for me
So, I will take heart
In deserts and gardens (Oh-oh, oh-oh)
He has good plans
He has good plans for me
If I know my Father
I know my Father has
Good plans
[Interldue]
Oh, oh-oh, oh
We submit to Your plans
We submit to Your plans
[Bridge]
And surely Your goodness
And mercy will follow after me
So, fear will not find me
‘Cause I’ll be dwelling in the house of God
Surely Your goodness
And mercy will follow after me
So, fear will not find me (Woo!)
‘Cause I’ll be dwelling right here in the house
(I’ll be dwelling right here in the house)
Surely Your goodness
And mercy will follow after me
So, fear will not find me
‘Cause I’ll be dwelling in the house of God
Surely Your goodness
And mercy will follow after me
So, fear will not find me
‘Cause I’ll be dwelling in the house of God
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