This morning, I woke up to a message from a friend. She sent me a post from one of her running friends, and it was honestly life changing. It wasn’t necessarily anything new, but for some reason, it hit different.
I had been thinking about not focusing on races for a bit because I was already feeling burned out. But the reason that I was feeling burned out was because I have been focusing SO much on getting faster and not just enjoying the process. I was comparing myself to other runners. It does NOT matter what my pace is or what anyone else’s pace is. What matters is continuing to show up. I have also been comparing my pace to others who don’t live at high elevation. There are SO many factors that change the average pace of runners. Elevation, temperature, hydration, nutrition, recovery time, etc. Also, not every run or even race will be amazing. I’m just proud of myself for getting to where I am. In such a short time! Consistency is what matters most. Just showing up, even when it’s hard.
Then I had a conversation with my dad about my grandmother.
My grandmother (mid 80s) has severe osteoporosis. She’s literally just laying in bed in a nursing home as her spine is disintegrating. My dad visits her all the time, and he’s at a loss for how to help her. Unfortunately, there’s not much that can be done. She also broke her femur last year just by falling in the shower. The thing is, she wasn’t necessarily NOT active. She would do her own yard work and take care of her home for years. But the type of movement that you do determines how it will protect against things like osteoporosis. Diet makes a difference as well.
This is such an important reminder as to why resistance training is SO important. Yes, fat loss is awesome. Yes, having energy is awesome. Yes, being strong in general and being able to flex some muscle is awesome. But more importantly, not withering away due to a spine that is disintegrating is even more of a reason to be consistent and keep doing this training.
It’s not a guarantee, per se, but there’s much more a chance of avoiding this by taking good care of myself now!
Also, my grandfather died at the age of 69 because of a severe heart attack (literally on the floor next to me when I was 19… it was pretty traumatic). High cholesterol/heart disease is in my family on both sides. I have been working on reducing my LDL and triglycerides (my total cholesterol has been high since I was 30). And just since last fall, I have reduced it quite a bit just by having good nutrition and being consistent with movement! I took medication for years, and it didn’t really do anything. It’s still a little bit on the high side, but it’s getting closer to normal! I’m determined to bring it down to normal!
This work- consistent nutrition and movement- is more than just how we look or even how we feel day-to-day. It’s truly about longevity in our lives and being able to live a full life.
In addition to the physical benefits of resistance training, running, hiking, and good nutrition are the mental health benefits. Ultimately, that’s my biggest “why.” While medication, therapy, consistent self care (in all the ways), etc are necessary, running and Street Parking workouts have been life-changing for my brain!
There is a very noticeable difference to my outside appearance, but most importantly, what’s inside is truly the most important thing!
The first pic was taken in my mid-late 30s (don’t remember exactly what year), and the second pic was taken last week. It’s not necessarily about how I look on the outside. It’s about what’s going on inside!
Work Life
This message applies to other areas of my life where I am always trying to exceed expectations as well.
Friday I worked on the ropes course for 9 1/2 hours. I was completely spent that evening. I could barely move. The night before I had done a quick but tough Street Parking workout (and a quick one mile run), then I got 21,000 steps that day which included lots of running (including up hill often), pushing a very heavy wood ladder (and up and down the ladder to get people off the zip line), and belaying (which is an upper body workout).
The problem is… I am always trying to be as fast as possible. I’m always trying to make it so that the next zip will happen really quickly so they aren’t having to wait very long. And it’s not necessary. My boss and I had a conversation, and he told me that I don’t have to run. He said I’m quick enough without running, and I can have others do the walking/running as well. I am always trying to prove myself. I am always trying to exceed expectations. This is what made teaching so hard on me! As much as I also love the physical challenge, I will wear myself out quickly if I’m always doing that and thinking that way. I was ready to not work ropes even though I love it. But, he would rather me be there and do my best (but maybe not be the fastest) than to not be there at all. So, I’m going to work on delegating and maybe just challenging myself some of the time. I also can’t do that much work AND train for races AND do Street Parking at my best. Something has to give! I’m learning just how important recovery and rest are.
Homeschooling Teenagers
Another area that I’ve been struggling with is homeschooling teenagers (with both boys being in high school next year).
I have been considering the local public school for the boys even though I KNOW that’s not what’s best for them (and Robert wouldn’t be okay with that at all). I have also been considering some online classes for them through the local school (they can take a few and also homeschool). I haven’t thrown that out the window, but I’m processing through my reasons for that.
I literally never feel like what I do is “enough.” I worry that I will “mess up” their futures. I worry that they won’t be “prepared” for college if that’s what they decide to do. I worry that they aren’t learning “enough” or being challenged “enough.” I have actually been stressing Ethan out trying to get him to decide whether or not he wants to go to college so I know how to “prepare him.”
Do you see a trend here?
At the end of the day:
- Enough is relative. What’s enough for one person is different for another.
- I am not in control of their futures (or even their present or even their effort).
- I cannot ruin their futures.
- I cannot control what they choose.
- I do my best at homeschooling them and just taking it one day at a time. That’s all I can do.
- Homeschooling is good for their mental health (and mine!).
- Homeschooling allows them to work at camp quite a bit.
- Homeschooling gives our family a lot of flexibility. Vacation in October? Why not?!
- Homeschooling allows them to focus on their interests.
- Homeschooling allows more of an individualized education.
- They have SO many options after high school. Community college (it’s so close!) and live and work here at camp. Taking a gap year and just working or doing something else. Going off to a four year university. Going to trade school. Becoming an apprentice and learning on the job. Just deciding to go to work or serve at camp without ever going to college. And the options just keep going. God has an amazing plan for their lives that I honestly have no control of!
- I am actually doing a pretty good job with their education. I’m not perfect, but I am flexible. I offer enough structure without being over-structured. I make sure they have the basics of what they need. When it’s not going well, I’m willing to pivot. I teach life skills. They are also learning important life skills by working regularly! We are a part of a family ministry here at camp. This is something they wouldn’t get anywhere else (even our last camp wasn’t so great about this). I try to follow their interests. I have high expectations when necessary, but I also allow for change. They can be who they are.
- They don’t have to know what they want to be when they grow up. I thought I knew from the age of 6. I became what I always wanted to become. And it was too hard on my mental health. What I had planned never really worked out well. Sometimes what we want isn’t what God has planned. I’m almost 42 and still trying to figure it out.
Another trend that I notice in myself is the desire to control. That’s part of my perfectionism. Fortunately and unfortunately (in my mind sometimes), I have zero control over another human being, even if they are my own child. This actually takes a lot of pressure off! I am trying to learn to teach and guide them while also allowing them to make their own decisions and mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn and grow. I desire for them to learn to think critically and apply that to every area of their lives. I desire for them to be able to choose who they want to be.
My kids are all growing up so fast. Karis will be leaving for college in a few months which is a whole other crazy thing! She’s going to do awesome! I am trying to enjoy every minute that I have with my kids because soon enough, they will all be out of the house!
At the end of the day… I can only do so much. Stretching myself thin constantly will burn me out. It always does!
Perfectionism causes anxiety and burn-out. Balanced consistency promotes a healthy, balanced, abundant life!
Today is Mother’s Day, and I’m just grateful and content. It’s currently snowing (which is apparently a super common thing to happen in the Colorado mountains on Mother’s Day weekend), and I’m sitting here, drinking my coffee (that Ethan made for me before he left for work early this morning), and enjoying the quiet. Robert will be working meals today (he’s on call this week) but will be working on building my coop this afternoon.
I’m planning on doing some planning, organizing, maybe some food prep, and just enjoying my day. I was going to run 3 miles, but I’m not sure if I will be able to because of the snow! We will see!
simplycourtney.org 