It’s so interesting to look back on the past several years knowing that I had ZERO idea where I would be today… physically and mentally/emotionally. (also literally in a whole new state)
When I talk with people who I just recently met, it’s so hard to explain to them where I’ve come from and who I used to be. I am not the same person AT ALL. I think it’s hard for people to imagine the life that I used to live, and the extreme struggles that I have had. I probably don’t even need to share, but I feel called to.
The person I was in the past isn’t who I am now, so why even talk about it? Why focus on it at all? Well, because: 1) God has done a BIG work in me, and I love to share that with others! Some of the details of that big work wouldn’t have happened in my own power. Even just leading me to the right resources, providing funds, etc. I had to have His help. 2) I want people to know that they won’t be stuck in those hard seasons and years forever. A life of abundance is possible. Keep moving forward. Seriously, don’t give up. I pretty much suffered for like 14 years. But now I have a life that I’ve always wanted. 3) I’m so proud of the work that I have put in to get where I am. I have fought SO HARD. I work hard every single day to maintain this new way of life. I have grown so much strength and endurance in life. I also want to be able to remind myself in the hard seasons (because they will come… that’s life!) what I am capable of.
I believe that the experiences and extreme struggles that I have had make me the person I am today. I am definitely NOT perfect. But. I love well. I have little judgment for others because I have walked through some really dark days. I have more patience with people. I want people to know that they are okay. I want people to know that their Creator loves them and truly wants them to live a life of abundance and have a relationship with them. I am able to push through hard stuff a lot better. I know that I can do hard things, and I’m more willing to do the things that scare me. I feel less isolated and like I have so many more possibilities in life. While I AM nervous about future depression, I am also aware that I will get through it. I have many tools/resources. I actually feel like maybe I can manage the depression when it does hit, now. I have an amazing support system.
I’m still planning to work on my memoir, but I have been so happily busy that I haven’t had much of a chance. I still feel it is important, though, so I want to share. It’s just taking me a while! I’m not sure if anyone will even care to read it, but I’m doing it for myself and for those few people that need to read it. I hope that I am able to get my story out into the world one day! In the meantime, I’ll try to share here, as I can.
Life is just so good and full that even taking the time out to write has been a little harder these days. I just have so many things that I either need or want to do lately, and I am just living life. I used to sit in front of my computer all the time… and now I just don’t desire to do that.
The past month has been pretty huge for my fitness life (I got 300,000 steps, have been running 3-4 times a week, have several races planned, have been more consistent than ever, etc), working a new job (ropes course work is fun, exciting, scary, and ACTIVE), processing through how I will homeschool the boys moving forward (we have options here!), trying new things, and just truly living out the life that I have always dreamed I would have!
We live in the Colorado mountains, we have every resource that we need, I get to work part time doing a very fun and active job, I get to homeschool my kids, our financial needs are met, I have an amazing nurse practitioner that has gotten me to an amazing place with my mental health (between her med management and therapy), I have some really amazing and supportive friends, we have so many options for the kids with their schooling, the kids all get to work (and are all doing well and growing), our home is perfect for us (much more space!), the days have been beautiful (60’s most days and almost always sunny!), and I could probably go on and on. I spend a lot of time just writing out things I’m grateful for because it just overflows out of me.
simplycourtney.org 