So Much Growth

I’ve been learning so much about myself through the good and the hard things. I think that’s the way life goes… there are always going to be hard things to learn and grow through.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that life is a roller-coaster… and honestly, I’m learning to be okay with that. Without the hard days, the good days wouldn’t be as good, ya know?

Some days I struggle a lot mentally and emotionally… BUT those days are getting fewer and further between. Usually on those days, I worry that I’m slipping back into my old patterns and struggles. Then, I get good sleep, and start the next day with fresh eyes, and I have a good day. Usually!

I wish I could put the growth into words. I’ll do my best, but I just don’t know that words will give the growth justice.

1. When I stare at a computer screen or even sit super long, it drains my mental and emotional health. Typically, I start to hyperfocus OR I just struggle with focus in general. What I set out to do ends up being a lot of time wasted. This is part of the reason why I haven’t been blogging as much lately. I wanted to make sure I had enough to just get out all at once instead of allowing it to drag on.
2. Movement makes my brain so happy. It doesn’t even really matter what that movement is. This is the reason why I work out as much as I do these days. Not only is it making me physically healthier, it has also transformed my brain in so many ways. Lately I have been running a lot and lifting weights/doing CrossFit WODS. I ran 4 miles on Saturday! It was amazing but hard.
3. Working part time is good for me as well, but I also know that when I start working too much, I start to struggle with feeling too scattered and disorganized. I’m figuring this out. One day at a time.
4. I still bite off more than I can chew sometimes, but I’m working on learning what my threshold is. I’m currently working on my homestead again… and trying to keep it more simple than this time last year. It’s hard because I always want to go ALL IN, but I’ll get there. I have half the amount of chicks that I had last year.
5. I am always trying to find the “sweet spot” with school… and I may or may not get there. I change regularly (in what I can and can’t handle), and the kids do as well. The book The Brave Learner by Julie Bogart has been amazing and somewhat life-changing for me. I feel a shift in how I view “home school” these days. A few words/phrases that I have on a sticky note on the front of the book: collaborate (even with teens), enchantment, hygge, kids’ interests, routine (not schedule), get out and see things, allll the books, movies, games (even Xbox and Nintendo Switch!)… I’m working on the “Continent of Learning” that she talks about which is basically taking their interests and working the “subjects” into that. It’s going to take some time and effort, but I’m excited about what’s to come. The boys will be doing math all summer, but other than that, I will have time to work on the plan moving forward. I’ll write more about this later. The kids and I will all be working quite a bit this summer!
6. I have decided that I have spent too much time focusing on weight loss and my appearance lately instead on the hard things that I can do and how I feel. The thing is, appearances can change so quickly. I could very easily go back to the weight that I was or whatever. It just isn’t about that. I DO feel better at a lighter weight, but I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even like to go out without makeup at all anymore because I’ve just gotten to be so focused on my appearance. I’m afraid to cut my hair because I feel like I won’t look as pretty. But it’s always in the way. I’m excited to be down some pant sizes, but even if I wasn’t losing weight, it doesn’t change the fact that my healthy habits are in a good place. In the past, I’ve gotten there then regressed for a variety of reasons. I’m just hoping that I’ll be able to continue! I’m so proud of my consistency for health reasons: my mental health is SO much better when I move consistently, my blood work is improving, my performance has gotten so much better (lifting heavier and running further), and I’m just in a much better place all around. Those are the important things. My face is getting more wrinkled these days, but I’m fine with that. I have gone through a lot in my life, and I’m just so grateful to be able to move the amount and ways that I can move now. I’m hoping I can continue that as I get older. I’m grateful for plenty of access to healthy, nutritious foods because it’ll keep me healthy as I continue to age. Those foods have helped my health markers improve in ways I didn’t think would happen. I still have a way to go, but I’m getting there. At the end of the day, the growth that I have had is way more than about my appearance. And as long as I keep my “why” at the forefront, I’ll be able to continue. Appearance just isn’t as compelling as true health all around.

Okay. I have a lot more that I want to share, but I need to get going. I need to eat then work the ropes course here at camp!

I am going to end this post by sharing some pictures of our little short camping trip this weekend! Robert and I found an amazing spot only about an hour and a half away. We attempted a bit of climbing, but we plan to go back in the future to do more. It was such a sweet time of rest, worship, talking, and peace. I cannot believe we can just go do this whenever we can/want! It used to take a whole day to get to a place this beautiful!