Literally the day after I wrote my last post, I woke up sick. I haven’t been sick in quite a while. I had Covid in November, then before that it was a long time. I used to be sick all the time, and I hated it because I was made to feel guilty for it (when I was teaching in the classroom- I have so many bad memories from that time).
I HATE being sick because I hate feeling helpless. I hate feeling “lazy.” I hate not being able to do things and take care of things. I hate having to sit and rest. I also don’t like letting other people down; I was supposed to work Saturday and this morning. It truly affects my mental and emotional health more than anything.
I almost felt like a hypocrite after my most recent post about consistency, regular movement and eating well, etc. But I kept reminding myself that life happens. People get sick no matter how consistent they are with healthy habits. Some days/weeks are harder than others to keep going… which is why it’s called consistency, NOT perfection. I will just pick right back up where I left off! It’s honestly the whole point of my last post, really.
It was also a good reminder that I am not in control… I put in a ton of hard work every day, but there will be days and weeks in which things won’t go “my” way. That’s normal, and that’s life. That doesn’t make me a hypocrite!
I ate a bit emotionally the past few days. I was also just eating whatever I could get my hands on that I didn’t have to spend much time making. It is what it is at this point!
I also went into “hyperfocus” mode on homeschooling yesterday because this weekend I realized how overwhelmed I have been with creating all of my own curriculum. I LOVE creating things, but it has just taken so much time and effort, so I spent hours figuring out how I can save time in the long run. I worked on it and worked on it for hours despite feeling bad. I mean, it just involved sitting at my computer, but still. It took a lot of mental effort.
I realized today that I was panicking because my mental and emotional health were in the dumps and I was trying to “fix” it.
I wonder how long I will panic on those harder days instead of just realizing that some days are just like that. I am always so worried about going back to being depressed and severely anxious. I think in some ways, THAT’S what makes me self-sabotage.
I hope that over time, I will recognize that it’s just temporary and not going to last forever and not do everything in my power to make sure I never have bad days. Honestly, without the bad days, the good days just aren’t as good. I’m going to just continue taking one day at a time. That’s all I can do!
Something Good Came Out of It
Somehow in my sick, hyperfocused brain yesterday, I made some pretty awesome decisions for how to move forward with school for the boys.
Robert and I talked extensively yesterday about the kids’ schooling, and we decided that I DO need to simplify. We talked about what we feel they absolutely need to learn in high school… the basics of biology, chemistry, physics… the basics of world history, more details about American history, high school level math, how to read and write, what they need for their future plans, etc. I’m going to make a plan based on that! As much as I would love to teach them every single detail of everything, that isn’t necessary… they won’t remember it anyway.
The boys are excited to be able to dig in more to what they are interested in. Ethan is doing an engineering “curriculum” next year that is VERY hands-on and project-based, and he will be building lots of things! They are also learning how to work (how to have good work ethic), how to live in the world (life skills), etc. I just think about my high school years and what I remember… which helps me to determine what’s necessary and important.
I really enjoy all that I’m doing, but it’s overwhelming while also trying to take good care of myself, work part-time, take care of the house/family, etc. There are also things that they couldn’t care less about that I keep trying to force which is pointless! I’m making it more about me in trying to force those things that aren’t necessary. So, I’m going to simplify and focus on what is necessary. I will do a few extras… but not ALL of the extras at once anymore!
I will post more details on the next post! I’m also going to share about the future of my homestead here at our new place! Yes, I decided to go for it again!
simplycourtney.org 