In the past, every time I have started to get consistent with healthy habits of any kind, I started self-sabotaging without realizing it. Then I went through months of struggle. This has probably happened a dozen times or more. I’m sure part of it has to do with un-medicated ADHD and other mental health struggles, but it has been a major issue over the years.
I was noticing the other day that every time I “celebrate” my consistency and growth and hard work “out loud,” the next day I tend to feel “low” and anxious. Then I assume that maybe I’m focusing too much on healthy habits and the growth that has taken place because of them. I also tell myself that I need to stop sharing… that no one cares… and that I’m making a “big deal” out of “nothing.”
I have been making some realizations lately through this process. One of them is that somewhere along the way, it has been communicated to me that chasing excellence is a bad thing. That focusing on consistent movement (especially when it’s intense and I’m pushing myself often), focusing on how much I eat and what I eat, focusing on weight loss/improving body composition, doing my best with homeschooling, having a clean house, helping my kids develop healthy habits, having high expectations, fixing my hair each day and wearing a little bit of makeup, etc are BAD things. That I need to just let my house be a mess, move a little here and there with no major goals, eat what I want, just let my teenagers learn what they want and not have any expectations or schedule/routine (in our homeschool), not care about how I look, have no routine or schedule, and just be a “hot mess mama.” Y’all, that might be for some people… but it is not for me. I struggle and flounder when trying to live that kind of life!
Side note: Hear me loud and clear here… I’m NOT saying that we should strive for perfection. But I’m noticing the more I’m focusing on consistency and not perfection, the easier it is for me to meet/hit my goals in ways I never could have imagined. AND the benefits are that I no longer beat myself up where I “fall short” because it’s not such a huge swing of all-or-nothing.
Okay… back to what I was saying.
I have learned that my mental health is best when my physical health is best. And my physical health is best when I make it a priority and a focus. It takes intentional effort every single day. I’m sure over time it won’t feel like that, but at this time, it does. It’s worth that effort!
I have also been stuck in the world of “as long as it’s ‘natural/grass-fed/organic,’ it’s healthy” which isn’t true at all! I feel SO much more free by letting that go.
What’s healthy is actually much more simple and more attainable and feels much more possible to be consistent with! Fruits and veggies, protein, carbs, and fat in correct amounts, water (with some other fun drinks mixed in), coffee the way I like it and a cookie here and there (restricting completely actually makes consistency way harder), daily movement, etc are what’s healthy. Some days I push myself hard with movement, and some days I do “more than nothing.” I have actually been setting goals and attaining them lately which feels so amazing. My self-efficacy (my belief in my ability to be successful) has improved so much. Having routine with my workouts has been so helpful. Having quick, healthy foods around is helpful. Not everything has to be homemade. Your meat doesn’t have to be grass-fed/wild caught. Your fruits and veggies don’t have to be organic. All meat (and other proteins), fruits and veggies, etc have important macro and micro nutrients for your body. Last night at Costco, I bought pre-cooked chicken, pre-made brown rice and rice/quinoa mix, pre-cut frozen chicken, beef jerky, some protein bars, healthy bread that I don’t have to bake, etc, and I feel so good about this! Having ADHD makes me either cooking and bake and meal prep alllll day or do nothing. I’m trying to find my balance with this, and it has been so good. I’m also not saying that I won’t even make things from scratch again because I do truly love to be in the kitchen… but it’s not always possible, and that’s okay!
Also. It’s okay that I know what I can and can’t handle, what I have to make priority for me to “be my best self” (I don’t love that term, but it’s the best I could think of at the moment), what I need to take care of myself and my family best, that what’s important to me may not be important to others, and that I am not perfect and won’t ever be. I just want to improve a little each day. Or at least stick with the consistency that I have found.
I have learned that I love to work here at camp, but more than two-three shifts, and it gets to be too much. I have learned that I need plenty of time to focus on cleaning/organization, creating curriculum for my kids, working out, sleeping enough, appointments, running errands, etc. Those are my priorities, but the work is also good for my soul. It’s a good balance!
I also want to point out that sometimes we do not have control over our brains… especially someone who has mental health struggles. But, we do have SOME control over our actions.
Listening to Miranda Alcaraz’s podcast about accountability on the Street Parking podcast (dated March 1st) was hugely helpful for me with this! No, we don’t always have control over our circumstances or our brains or other things, but we always have some control over how we manage our lives with-in that. It’s definitely a process. And I’m not trying to tell others how to live their lives or anything. I’m just saying that I’m tired of allowing the “hot mess mama” narrative which has stunted my growth and improvements and for feeling bad for chasing excellence. I also do NOT think I’m better than anyone because of the growth that I have found. I’m just allowing myself to feel proud of the work that I’ve put in and just be happy with where I am now after so much intentionality!
Life-long health and movement are at stake here. I want to be active and live a long, healthy, active life. Seeing my blood work improve a lot in a short time is so motivating for this.
I’m so thrilled with where things are headed in my life. I feel like I have so many possibilities!
simplycourtney.org 