I have been pretty busy these days, so blogging hasn’t come so easily. I will sit down to write, then I get distracted because I have other things to focus on. I think this is a good thing, though. I don’t have a lot of “sit around” time.
This blog has always just been my outlet. I use it for myself, as I need it. I have been in a pretty good place mentally and emotionally. But, I have my days like everyone else.
Anxiety still happens, “low” days still happen, and I don’t have “it all together.” My February was pretty rough on me. Overall, though, I have healed and grown so much.
I posted something today on Facebook and Instagram, and I thought I’d share here! Most people don’t really care; I just continue to celebrate because my life is SO different, and I’m so grateful to Jesus AND proud of myself.
“It’s so hard to believe that the lady in the first group of pictures is the same person as the second group. Not necessarily because of how I look physically, but because that physical picture shows how much healthier I am in all the ways. Working hard on my physical health has made me healthier in every way. Of course, I’ve been working hard on my mental and spiritual health as well. Between learning healthy coping skills, finding the right medications for my brain, becoming consistent with movement and nutrition, tons of therapy (and some ketamine treatments as needed), consistent self care, doing things that make me happy, sobriety, God’s amazing provisions for our family, time with Jesus regularly, our family being in a healthy place, great resources, gratitude, and the little things in life… I’m a whole different person. I’ve also shared this… I have bad days. Healing isn’t linear. But most days are night and day from where I used to be. I’m so incredibly grateful. It takes hard work every single day, but is worth the work.
If anyone knows my story… you know how far I’ve come. It’s with the help of Jesus.”
Bible Study and Time with Jesus
I LOVE spending time with Jesus. Sometimes I get distracted or busy and have to remind myself of my priorities, but it’s a sacred time for me every morning. Without that time, I struggle a lot more through the day. He gives me what I need.
I study the Bible using She Reads Truth, I am using a “runner’s devotional,” and I’m reading through the book Prayer by Tim Keller. I have a journal where I write prayer requests, things I’m grateful for, and “Ebenezers” (this is just a list of proofs of God’s faithfulness over the years). I also write out prayers and journal as I study.
Physical Health Improvements, Goals, and Plans
I recently added a treadmill to my gym, and it has been a game-changer. I also added my rack and bar back to the gym! I workout 4-5 days per week (I lean towards the 5 days). I run multiple days per week, do WODs with Street Parking, and do some strength training with Street Parking’s extra programs. I ran an 8:18 min/mile yesterday! I am running a 5k in about a month at The Garden of the Gods. I think it’ll be pretty easy for me at this point, but I do need to run more with some incline. I’ve been running on a flat treadmill. I am possibly going to run a 25k in August with a new Street Parking friend. I haven’t officially decided yet… but if I don’t do the 25k, I will at least do a 10-15k. I’m super excited that I’m even in a place in which that seems possible. The ONLY reason I wouldn’t be able to run that distance is because of my foot issue that I’ve always had (my sesamoid bones developed wrong on my right foot causing pain and numbness). I might do it anyway, even if I have foot pain. Running makes my brain VERY happy. Always has! I did 66 deadlifts with 125lbs the other day! With sprinting in between lifts. I couldn’t believe I could do that. I am up to 25lb dumbbells, and I honestly think I’ll be able to go to up 30lb dumbbells sooner than I would have ever anticipated. In fact, I did a workout last week with 25lbs, and I finished at the bottom of the goal time. In other words, I still moved super fast even with a heavier weight! I think the goal for each round was 6-9 minutes, and I completed them in just over 6 minutes. I still can’t believe it.
My nutrition goals are: about 115g of protein (0.7g per pound of weight- suggested by someone I trust), 800g+ of fruits and veggies (this is a work in progress), about 1900 calories per day (sometimes more or less depending on my activity), 25g of fiber, and 15-16g of saturated fat. I am working on increasing my water intake. This has always been a challenge for me. One day at a time!
I use the Cronometer app/website to log everything. I am NOT perfect with this… I just do the best I can while living life. I use it mostly as a way to stay aware!
I had my blood work done last week, and for the first time in over 11 years, my cholesterol is good (I am in the “low” risk for heart disease despite this being very hereditary in my family), my thyroid looks great, my A1C is normal, and I’ve been told by the doctor that I’m healthy! I’m a few pounds away from being in the healthy range for my BMI. It is funny to me that I am at my healthiest, and I’m still a tad “overweight” on the BMI scale. It says a lot to me about the scale…
For the first time, EVER, I truly see what I am capable of physically. It blows my mind how far I’ve come.
Mental Health Improvements and Self Care
I am seeing my amazing nurse practitioner (who does my med management and therapy) weekly. First of all, it’s only $10 to see her which blows my mind. What amazing insurance! Second of all, she is exactly who I need at this time of my life. I’m still working through some things (traumas and some things in my past), but she is also helping me learn how to move forward with my life right where I am. Our family has experienced SO much improvement since we have moved here, and she has been part of that (for myself and my boys).
She is who put me on ADHD meds that have been super life-changing. I’m still working on the right dose and everything, but I am night and day different from where I used to be. I finally feel more focused, more able to be consistent, no longer having the all-or-nothing mentality with everything, and I just feel like I am able to manage so much more. I DO still have to work hard every day at all of this, but the fact that I’m even capable of all of this now is huge. I do feel the meds wear off in the afternoon, so I’m going to ask her about taking the quick-release type in the afternoon to just get me through, but I’m doing so well.
I had to do two ketamine booster treatments when I got here, but I feel like I’m doing well enough now that I can probably wait a while! Those have been life-changing for me as well! I’m so grateful that they are much cheaper here than they were in Texas. Well, at this particular place. I’ve shared about this office before. I love them!
Changes to Our Schedule, Working More, and Just Living Life
Today, I decided that the kids and I will do “Family Studies” on Tuesdays and Thursdays instead of doing daily “Morning Time” daily and “Poetry Teatime” on Fridays (which just hasn’t been happening lately). It has just been too much. We are all working now. We don’t work a ton, but it has been a little harder these days as the kids and I have been trying to manage so many things. I wanted to simplify.
So at this point, we will fit in “Family Studies” when we can on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and they will get their independent work done at some point during the week. They LOVE this as they have more flexibility now. They have more responsibility as well because it’s on them to get it done. I will check in with them probably on Fridays to make sure that they have completed their work.
Family studies include but aren’t limited to: Bible study, novel Read Alouds, other random read Alouds, nature study, art/artist study, mythology, Shakespeare, poetry, and more! I want to include the “beautiful” things that might not fit into their independent work.
Robert is usually working on Saturdays and has Sundays and Mondays off. This way, we can just play on Mondays! Unless I’m working, of course. I am working this coming Monday, but I don’t work on Mondays very often.
Last week, Robert and I did some driving around, scouting out climbing spots and good camping spots around us. We found some really great spots! We can’t wait to utilize them as the weather continues to get warmer!
I have mostly been doing recreation which has been so fun. I have been training on the job. I have re-learned how to belay and have been trained on blacklight dodgeball and arrow tag so far. I got to belay kids on the rock-climbing wall yesterday and worked the ladders for the zip line. It was fun and active! I have also run the snow-tubing hill a few times, though, we are almost out of that season. I will be belaying crate stacking on Saturday. I have worked in the kitchen a bit, and I have worked housekeeping a bit. The kids have mostly been working in the kitchen/dining hall, but Karis also does some housekeeping. And the pay here is SO much better than in Texas. Almost double per hour. That’s mostly because the minimum wage is higher. But we will take it!
Working at camp has been so great for our whole family. It is truly a family ministry. It’s fun and low-pressure. It’s honestly just what we all needed. We didn’t really have the opportunity to work at our old camp very much. Just during the summer. So, this is amazing!
I think next school year the boys and I will be joining something called the Homeschool Enrichment Academy that is at a local school district. It allows the boys to be around other kids one day a week doing enrichment classes, and it’s free! There are a lot of requirements for homeschooling in Colorado, BUT there are also SO many more resources and support. So, I cannot complain too much. I might even teach a class. We will see!
We are truly in a whole new world here. It’s mind-blowing honestly.
Everyone is doing well here. Karis is never anxious anymore. She said she is so happy and at peace. She said she hasn’t cried since we moved here. This is big. I guess this could change when she goes off to college in the fall, but at least she has had a relaxing last semester of high school.
Ethan is night and day different. He’s a lot more motivated, consistent, driven, etc. He still struggles some because of his ADHD, but he has come SO far. His emotional stability is night and day as well.
Levi has matured a lot as well. It has been so cool watching him learn how to become an employee and just really do a great job. He gets his school work done quickly and does a great job.
They kids have all grown so much and are living out their potential!
Bad Days Here and There
Some days I feel like I’ve taken 3 steps back. But those days are few and far between these days. I still have anxiety some days, and I still have “depressed” days. Usually, I just focus a WHOLE lot on self care, coping skills, and maybe go to therapy when I can, and it helps. I think bad days are normal for anyone… even people who have never struggled with their mental health. So, it just is what it is! Those days really help me appreciate the good ones!
My prayer is that over time, those days won’t happen as often. I’m also praying that I don’t fall into a deep depression in the fall/winter next year. I guess time will tell! I’d love to just be able to live life and not have to worry about that happening anymore!
Our Home
I spent a lot of time cleaning the upstairs area this weekend, and I was just reminded how much I love our home! It’s SO perfect for our family! I didn’t take pictures of the basement/downstairs or Karis’s room. The living room/gym area of the basement is shown above.
Easter as a Family
At our new camp, each full time staff member has to have a full week of “on call” which means that if we have guests, they can’t leave. Unfortunately, Robert’s first on call week happened to fall on Easter weekend. He wasn’t able to go to church on Easter because he got out a little too late. So, we watched it online then had a feast! I also got the kids some fun stuff for their “Easter baskets” (that are somewhere in the house…). It was a really great day.
I made beef chuck roast, colorful carrots, golden potatoes, brussel sprouts, homemade sourdough pretzels, homemade sourdough rolls, and a cross-shaped cookie cake (our “flowering cross” tradition!).
A Few Random Things…
We got some chicks again… I spent a few months debating whether or not I wanted that life again, but when I went to Tractor Supply to just see what they had… the Easter Eggers called out to me. Haha. They even joined us while we watched the Easter Service online.
I’m trying to decide if I want to even try gardening in the mountains of Colorado… it’s a whole new world here when it comes to that. We will see!
Life is just so good. I’m so grateful and blessed to be where we are.
simplycourtney.org 