Emily P. Freeman is one of my favorite podcasters and authors. Every year, she puts out “10 Questions for Reflection & Discernment,” and I love to answer these questions each year as a reflection of my previous year and the beginning of a new year.
This is from the pdf with those questions:
What worked?
So many things worked this year.
The Ketamine IV treatments were life-changing. They were 1000% worth the expense. I have never been so healthy mentally. Ever.
Resigning from my teaching job also changed my life.
Deciding to homeschool the boys has been so good for all of us.
Working really hard to get Ethan mentally and emotionally healthy.
Deciding to start the job search for Robert worked really well (though it was mentally and emotionally exhausting).
Deciding to focus on mental health for our family was also life-changing.
Deciding to step out of the “homesteader lifestyle.” More on that below.
Learning what true Wild & Free looks like.
Getting outside more. Getting out of my comfort zone in this.
Finding new music that makes me happy.
Learning to live how I want and not within some label.
Truly seeking Jesus, His will, and His companionship. I grew in relationship with Him, and I have a much more intimate relationship with Him.
Seeing God’s plan unfold has been beautiful.
It has just been a year of figuring out what is important to us and acting on it.
What didn’t work?
Having Ethan in school. We tried a few times because he was determined that he needed to be in school. His brain just doesn’t handle the traditional classroom.
I cannot teach in a classroom (online or in person). Teaching is so hard for so many reasons, and it’s just not good for my mental health. I regressed so much mentally trying to teach.
Trying to live within the “homesteading” label and all that I perceived as necessary within that. Feeling the need to make EVERYTHING from scratch; feeling guilty for not being able to afford all organic, grass-fed, pastured; spending money we didn’t have on natural products (and making homemade products); etc. Seeing the nutritionist who would tell me anything else is “poison.” I can’t tell you how many times that word came out of her mouth. She also was very judgmental towards parents who fed her kids things that she felt were poison. Seeing her was actually detrimental for my mental health, and I didn’t see it for a long time. I’m so glad I’m seeing the “light” and have decided to step out of that lifestyle.
What do I need more of next time?
Grace, light, practicality, simplicity, rest, joyful movement, simple nutrition, joy, true wild + free, outdoors.
What was the loneliest part?
When Robert was in the middle of the job search, we couldn’t really tell a lot of people because we didn’t know what was going to happen. I couldn’t share about it on my blog or on social media. I am very much an outward processor, so it was hard. I needed an outlet. We even went to South Dakota without telling many people. It was very different for me.
I will say, though, that it taught me to seek Jesus within the unknowns instead of seeking outside advice. It was transformational in that way.
When did you feel the most like yourself?
I love this question. I will say that I thought I knew myself, and this past month, I realized that I didn’t. I now feel most like myself. As the imperfect person that I am.
The times that I truly felt most like myself were when I was outside, moving in ways that made me happy, when I didn’t care what others think and what others are doing, when I was listening to music that I love, when I took Jeep drives with Robert, and when I learned to be simple.
Letting go of expectation that I put on myself. Letting go of a label that I thought I needed to fit in. Letting go of some idea of perfection that I was trying to live in. Living Wild + Free in the sense of just being who I am and who I want to be, but not feeling like I needed that label either. Living with lightness and joy and freedom. Choosing simplicity. Deciding that I’m “Simply Courtney,” and that’s enough. A lot of this just recently happened.
Listening to “granola music,” new worship, and 90s music.
Journaling, spending time with Jesus each morning, and spending time with my family.
Teaching my kids.
Learning how to make sourdough has been SO fun!
Figuring out how my boys learn best. Realizing that it looks different than everyone else’s homeschool and being okay with that. Learning that we don’t fit within a label as well. Being free to be us in this area as well.
Pouring into others and loving well. Having friends over to eat, drink coffee, and play games. Sharing in the hard things and the light things.
In what areas did my confidence grow?
Shedding expectation.
Learning who I am and that it doesn’t involve a label.
Also learning about having ADHD and that I don’t have to fight it. I can embrace it and learn to handle things without medicating it.
Being outside.
Doing hard things.
Getting back into a movement habit.
Kayaking the Pecos River.
Reading more and finally feeling like I’m able to (typically I struggle so much with focus when it comes to reading).
Homeschooling the boys and realizing that I AM a good teacher when I’m in the right environment.
Remembering that I know how to eat well and take care of myself in a balanced way. I also know how to teach well.
Who (or what) have I learned the most from?
Listening to those who are about simplicity, light-ness, balance, joyful movement, discernment, being yourself, and mostly listening and learning from Jesus Himself.
Some authors and Podcasters: Emily P. Freeman (The Next Right Thing book, journal, and podcast), EC Synkowski (“The Consistency Project” podcast and Optimize Me Nutrition Instagram- @optimizemenutrition), Scott Patterson (a fun one- the “I Am All In” podcast about Gilmore Girls), Adam Bornstein (on EC’s podcast and his book You Can’t Screw this Up), B.J. Fogg (his book Tiny Habits), Carlos Whitaker (his Instagram mostly- @loswhit), Julie Bogart (with Brave Writer), Rebekah Lyons (her book Rhythms of Renewal), friends and family who accept me for me, really good lyrics to music that I love, and most of all, Jesus through His Word and time spent with Him.
What were my favorite yeses?
Choosing to resign from a toxic job, choosing to homeschool again (twice haha), deciding to look for another camp to move to, choosing to shed expectation, learning to dig-in to what I want and who I want to be, and deciding to go to Colorado!
What were my surest nos?
Well, I guess when Robert wasn’t offered the job in South Dakota and deciding not to stay at the camp where we currently are when given another option.
What’s one thing I know for sure?
I know who I am and who I want to be… it’s time to move forward with that and not get distracted.
Before I move forward, name…
- A progress I’m celebrating- Remembering that I get to decide who I am, who I want to be, and what I want to do with my life.
- A pivotal decision I have made- Shedding the weight of expectation and a label.
- A question I’m still carrying- Will I continue to shed those expectations? Will I try to go back to living within that label?
- What I want most- To continue living in simplicity, light, and being truly Wild & Free!
If you do this yourself, I’d love to see your answers! It’s such a great way to end the year and start a fresh one!
This is the most pivotal year of my life, really. Especially the past month or so! It’s amazing how things have changed in such a short time, in such a great way. I’m so excited and hopeful about the new year.
simplycourtney.org 