Yesterday I had time to sit down and work in my new planner. It’s a Clever Fox planner and it’s not just for planning your week. The first pages include a place to list list goals for different areas of your life, list out your values, plans, and things you’re grateful for. I also dated the months for the rest of the year and started to fill in important dates. Then I was looking through pictures on my Instagram today and realized that I haven’t been living out who I am because of my busyness and severe anxiety this year. I haven’t been living out my values. That is enough reason to have made major changes to my job situation. This has been a really hard year. I needed to make a change that is bigger than just going to a different school. I needed to change the whole trajectory. I needed to make my health a priority in all of the ways.
I usually LOVE cooking and making all the things homemade. I love a pretty-set table for my family. I don’t remember the last time I did that. I love shopping local. I love natural living (to an extent because I believe in science). I love being outside. I love moving my body in ways that make me feel healthy and strong. Health and wellness are huge values of mine. I love slow moving days. I love journaling/writing. I love Bible study. I love music (I have only been listening to Podcasts these days which aren’t bad in and of themselves but I need more music in my life). I love thrift-shopping (which I did yesterday!). I love hosting people (which I have already done a few times with our summer staff and will do a lot this summer).
I’ve just lost track of all of this and forgotten who I was. I’ve been trying to find my identity in being this amazing teacher and have forgotten that I have identity outside of that. I’m a person with needs and things that bring me joy and values and goals that are outside of my work. I’m really good at my work, but I often pour so much into it that I neglect everything else.
I really feel that this summer work that I’m doing will be a good reset for me. It’s totally different than anything else I’ve ever done. I get to make good food and be surrounded by amazing people. I get to serve alongside my hubby.
My new job in the fall will be challenging as I learn a new way to teach (online), but I don’t have to start till 8 so I will have time to workout, read my Bible, journal, and have breakfast before I start my work day. I will have an actual lunch break (an hour!). A lot of my day will be spent planning and working on grading instead of having to do all of that after work. I won’t be driving two hours a day. I will also have time to invest in our camp community. And I’ll be making a lot more money than what the local schools pay. It’s a win-win! And I’m actually super happy that I can’t start till my first day because I know nothing, and that’s when training starts.
I will say that I will miss my students. I bonded with them as soon as I started in March. I know they will flourish next year, but I feel like I didn’t get enough done with them this year. I did the best I could under the circumstances, and they have grown a lot.
So many good things are on the horizon.