I’m sitting here with a terrible headache, my cough and chest inflammation is really bad, I’m exhausted all the time, I’m super grumpy, and I just don’t really know what to do with myself.
This is all a sign of a few things for me. I know myself well enough to know that I need to be taking better care of myself. Self care isn’t happening as much as I need it to be. I’m also living in the black and white world in many areas. I’ll explain what that means in a bit.
I am taking a step back today from all the things and evaluate what are negotiable and non-negotiables in my life at the moment. Things change each day, week, month, and season, so I need to evaluate where I am at the moment and make adjustments based on that.
Things that I need to do more of.
I need to be in nature. I’m starting to feel claustrophobic in my home. I mean, I love my home. But my body and heart need nature. We have 1400 acres here where we live, but for some reason I have felt kind of paralyzed to stay home. I’m going to get out a little bit each day. I think I will take an art journal out and draw what I see.
I need more water. I have been drinking mostly coffee/cold brew and kombucha right now. I know I’m dehydrated.
I need more time alone. I feel like someone is yelling in my ear all the time because I’m an introvert and my kids are always home (more than usual since they can’t play with friends). Of course my anxiety makes me feel this way also.
I need more time reading, writing, and creating. I want to spend more time on my childbirth education course.
I need to set more boundaries. I need to say no when I can’t manage more. Even if it’s something that I would enjoy a lot. This is hard for me because I love being wanted and needed. But that’s not helpful when I’m feeling overwhelmed and drowning in anxiety.
I need routine, but I need to reduce the expectations for myself and my kids. I’m slowly working on this. I’m giving them more freedom to study what they want, how they want for many of their subjects. We just focus on the basics together in the morning and they have freedom in the afternoon.
Some other non-negotiables for me at the moment (mostly in the area of food… these could change).
Raw milk.
Sourdough bread.
Kombucha.
Homemade Greek yogurt.
Homemade granola.
Some other homemade things.
I truly LOVE being in the kitchen.
Some things that I need to shed at the moment.
Making other fermented foods such as pickles, cabbage, and carrots.
Expectations that we shouldn’t eat foods that were free and/or cheap for us in this season. More on this below.
Any kind of expectation that I have placed on myself to be “better” or “more” or that something is required of me. Or that what I’m doing is good or bad, especially when it comes to homeschooling and food.
The idea that I have to be busy all the time. It’s okay to just sit around some! I need some rest. It’s also okay to take a nap sometimes.
Acknowledging the Trauma
I saw this and it was totally an “ah ha” moment. I have past trauma and I have noticed that the trauma of this pandemic and the inability to get out much has increased my anxiety so so much. I am learning to give myself grace because my brain is just a mess right now.
On another note… Grocery Geek, Camp Edition
I’m giving myself permission to utilize the resources that we have to buy/use foods in our reach even if they aren’t the quality that I would prefer. This includes conventional eggs, some meat, fruits, veggies, beans, etc. And some processed foods. I have been trying to reduce this, and I have, but I just need to be able to rely on this some at the moment. We have been buying through camp’s food service which allows less expensive foods + camp has had to get rid of a bunch of food that they were going to be using for retreats and summer programming (since these won’t be happening). These foods are below.
Not pictured: 10lbs smoked sausage, 12 chicken breasts, 5 packages of flour tortillas, 4lbs of bacon, 5lbs of flour (mostly to make play dough), and possibly more that I don’t remember.
And we got this a few weeks ago…
We are set on most things for a really long time! God provides.
Happy Holy Saturday!
I cannot wait to celebrate with my family tomorrow! We will be doing our yearly traditions of a flowering cross cookie cake, read the book about the flowering cross, do our resurrection eggs, finish reading our book about the first Easter, have a great lunch, and watch the Easter service via video.
Anyway… I think it’s time for me to go for that nature walk. I’m hoping to write more for a while, but we’ll see! My brain makes it hard to focus a lot.
Simply Courtney 