Working Through Owning Who I Am

I was up late last night again and had some realizations.  I shared them on Facebook but thought I would share them here as well!

  • I think I don’t necessarily have a hard time falling asleep anymore. I think I’m just a night person and like having quiet time.
  • I realized a bit ago that I have been giving into my depression and anxiety by telling myself that I can’t do things or I’m incapable because of my mental illness. I need to start telling myself what I can do and what I do on a daily basis. Also that God will give me the strength to fight.
  • I’m thinking about ways to come out of my shell again like when I did direct sales without actually doing direct sales (it’s not my thing). I kind of miss doing live videos. Maybe I have things that I can talk about. I’m going to work on that. Be watching for that!
  • Along those lines, maybe I can share in video form some things that I’m learning and/or processing instead of writing about it. Not many people read my blog that I know of. I would love to know if you do!
  • I’m going to make a plan and focus in on my Childbirth Ed stuff. I’ve been kind of stuck as I’ve picked it up after a long time… just trying to figure out what to focus on and what to move past. I’ve already done well on all of my quizzes but it has been a long time! I keep thinking that I need to memorize all of the info but my trainer says nope.
  • It’s okay to be me and know what I need and what my limits are. A clean house is important to me no matter how hard I try to let it go. It literally feels like someone is screaming in my ear when there’s mess. I’m passionate about things. I obsess. I can be needy. I love when it’s hard and reach out to those who are struggling. I fight stigmas in areas by being vulnerable and sharing information. Sometimes I say or do things that I wish I hadn’t. I overshare. I’m much more of an extrovert online than in person. I need lots of alone time. I don’t handle high expectations well from others, but my expectations for myself are super high. I am too blunt sometimes and hurt people’s feelings. I hate that. I don’t intentionally hurt anyone. I’m a type 1 enneagram all the way!

Some additional thoughts:

  • I’m always over-thinking, but that means that I am processing and learning through the good and the hard.  Maybe that’s a good thing.  I have been known to apologize for that, but I need to just own it.  It’s part of who I am.
  • I thought that I wanted to stop using natural products, but I have found that I like a lot of them!  It’s not something I’m using for a label, but because they are really good.  The shampoo and conditioner that I have been using is pretty expensive unfortunately, but it’s the only thing that has made my dandruff better!  So we’ll see!  I love Neutrogena naturals cleanser and make-up remover along with Yes to Carrots night cream!  They are amazing!

I think that’s all for now.  I’m going to take a nap (I got 5 hours of sleep), and I’m going to be okay with it.  Grace!

4 thoughts

  1. I read your blog every day. Thank you for your vulnerability and for sharing your journey. He is always good and faithful. We just need to keep reminding ourselves this. Much love.

  2. I have been reading your blog since I found you a couple of years ago.You have helped because I like to read of how you’re handling life.I also have had mental illness with anxiety and depression. I just wanted to let you know that.

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