Working Through Owning Who I Am

I was up late last night again and had some realizations.  I shared them on Facebook but thought I would share them here as well!

• I think I don’t necessarily have a hard time falling asleep anymore. I think I’m just a night person and like having quiet time.
• I realized a bit ago that I have been giving into my depression and anxiety by telling myself that I can’t do things or I’m incapable because of my mental illness. I need to start telling myself what I can do and what I do on a daily basis. Also that God will give me the strength to fight.
• I’m thinking about ways to come out of my shell again like when I did direct sales without actually doing direct sales (it’s not my thing). I kind of miss doing live videos. Maybe I have things that I can talk about. I’m going to work on that. Be watching for that!
• Along those lines, maybe I can share in video form some things that I’m learning and/or processing instead of writing about it. Not many people read my blog that I know of. I would love to know if you do!
• I’m going to make a plan and focus in on my Childbirth Ed stuff. I’ve been kind of stuck as I’ve picked it up after a long time… just trying to figure out what to focus on and what to move past. I’ve already done well on all of my quizzes but it has been a long time! I keep thinking that I need to memorize all of the info but my trainer says nope.
• It’s okay to be me and know what I need and what my limits are. A clean house is important to me no matter how hard I try to let it go. It literally feels like someone is screaming in my ear when there’s mess. I’m passionate about things. I obsess. I can be needy. I love when it’s hard and reach out to those who are struggling. I fight stigmas in areas by being vulnerable and sharing information. Sometimes I say or do things that I wish I hadn’t. I overshare. I’m much more of an extrovert online than in person. I need lots of alone time. I don’t handle high expectations well from others, but my expectations for myself are super high. I am too blunt sometimes and hurt people’s feelings. I hate that. I don’t intentionally hurt anyone. I’m a type 1 enneagram all the way!

Some additional thoughts:

• I’m always over-thinking, but that means that I am processing and learning through the good and the hard.  Maybe that’s a good thing.  I have been known to apologize for that, but I need to just own it.  It’s part of who I am.
• I thought that I wanted to stop using natural products, but I have found that I like a lot of them!  It’s not something I’m using for a label, but because they are really good.  The shampoo and conditioner that I have been using is pretty expensive unfortunately, but it’s the only thing that has made my dandruff better!  So we’ll see!  I love Neutrogena naturals cleanser and make-up remover along with Yes to Carrots night cream!  They are amazing!

I think that’s all for now.  I’m going to take a nap (I got 5 hours of sleep), and I’m going to be okay with it.  Grace!