Through the issues with the school that I had a few weeks ago I realized that I’m just not meant to teach anymore. I thought I had already come to that conclusion multiple times over the past 4 years, but I feel like it is something I continually have to be reminded of. I got so much anxiety from dealing with the school. I was trying to take control of something that wasn’t mine to be in control of (not that any of us really have control anyway). I really need to step back and trust that God has a plan for Ethan. He may always struggle; I do think he needs to have a plan in place to help him as much as possible.
I’m not sure what that means for me at the moment… I feel like my only purpose currently is keeping a clean/organized house and clean clothes. While that’s helpful for my family, that can’t be all I do in with my life. I do enjoy having Bible study at my house as well; but that’s only one night a week!
What else is there?
Yesterday I met with a new friend and while I have no idea what’s going to happen, I have a good feeling about what God is doing through her and her husband. They are opening a gym in January in town where our kids go to school. She plans to focus on mental health as well in some way or another. We also have a mutual friend that is a counselor. Like I said, I really have no idea what will happen, but our story has some similarities and she totally understands mental illness, alcoholism, and addiction and wants to be part of that community, using her gym in some way. In fact, not only does she struggle with mental illness, she is also in recovery and she has worked at a mental health facility. I know that God led her here for a reason, and I also know that God has woven my story together the way He has for a reason and a purpose.
Regardless, I’m thankful that God has led me to some amazing people and I’m just taking in one day at a time. He has given me a desire and passion for reaching out to those who are struggling and feel that they have no way out. Whether it’s through AA or something else, I want to be part!
Speaking of… since I started back at the AA in Kerrville that I used to go to, I have struggled to feel like I fit. Then the last time I was there a mean, judgmental woman solidified that for me. I went back to AA in Rocksprings and even though it was just me and my friend, I loved it and felt like I fit right in again! It felt like home. We’ll see what happens! I’m taking it one day at a time. My new friend said that she wants to start coming also and her best friend is moving here and she will want to come.
In the meantime, I will just continue to get to know myself better, serve others through hospitality, focus on my relationship with Jesus and family and friends. I am still trying to figure out what my new purpose is since I can no longer teach and since I’m home alone all the time. And you know what? Maybe I’m living out my purpose just as my life is now. Taking care of my mental health is a huge job in and of itself. God’s plans are better than my own so I trust Him!