Contentment

I have learned so much over these past few weeks that I feel as though I could fill up pages of this post with it.  But at the same time, it’s really hard to put everything into words.

Instead, I’ll do a bulleted list, and try to keep it simple :-).

• God ALWAYS provides.  Always.  Every. Single. Time.  He has shown me in so many ways that He can be trusted with our finances, and He will show His faithfulness.
• God used a difficult situation in our life to bring us to a new church where we feel at home, already.  We couldn’t have imagined changing churches a few months ago, but this is very obviously where God wants us.  I can’t wait to see what He does in and through us there!
• My plan is SO not God’s plan and vice-versa.  I have held onto an idea of what I thought I should be doing coming fall, and God has slammed doors shut, making it very obvious that my plan is not His.  Instead of what I thought I’d be doing (we won’t go there), I will be subbing and working with the PTA at my kiddos’ school.  And I am at complete.  peace.  Even though it wasn’t my plan, I trust that it is His because He has made it very clear to me.
• My body isn’t the way I would want it to be.  And that’s okay.  I have gained weight, and I don’t know why.  I run 12-14 miles per week.  And it’s all okay.  I run because I enjoy running.  I eat because I like to eat (okay, I also NEED to eat).  I don’t focus on eating perfectly anymore, and it’s freeing.  I live life.  I may be a size bigger, but who cares.  Robert reminds me that he would rather me be a larger size and just enjoying life, than a smaller size, worrying about every little bite I eat and obsessing about it all.  He would rather me live and enjoy backpacking, playing games, having a date night with yummy food, etc, than be obsessed with food like I have been for years.  It’s all worth it.
• One of the biggest things that I’m learning is that I am not anxiety and depression.  I am Courtney.  This is a factor in my life, but unless I stop identifying myself AS my illness, people will continue identifying me as my illness.  I have made great strides in the past several months.  I have grown tremendously.  I am ready to move forward in life and start identifying myself as ME, not my illness.  I can’t wait to see what God does in and through me as I follow Him and trust Him in this.
• Through all of these things that I’ve been learning, God is bringing a new contentment that I have been hungry for over the past several years.  He is showing me that trusting Him is the only way.